It's all about the wait, I mean the weight.......

I used to think that the 6.5 weeks were going to fly-by and I would be finished before I knew it. Well, OK,  maybe not fly-by exactly but at least proceed at something like a normal pace. I mean, how bad could it be? Drive to Torrance for an 8am appointment everyday, be home by 9am and have the rest of the day to sit around and wait for the next day, the next appointment. That was one of those assumptions that in reality was so off base because it's not the "wait" between the appointments nor the wait time between the weeks or even the time it takes for the the treatments themselves. No, no, no, no. Little did I know, even though I had been told by my Oncologists, was that it was going to be the other "weight" - my body weight.


So for some historical perspective, I started out the 2011 new year the same way I have for the last 23yrs - on break from work between Christmas and New Years (just one of aerospace's advantages!). I went for a bike with my buddy Larry (of Gary, Larry & Harry fame) to do the Fullerton Loop. The Loop is a 12 mile mixed trail (fire road, street, single track, oil road access, park & school) that has been around for years and that I have ridden for years. We went out on the trail the end of December and I struggled from the very beginning. It was a beautiful day but I walked the most that I have ever walked on a bike ride in my life. We were about 3/4s of the way thru when on a downhill I pinch flatted my front tire. Larry had another tube but neither of us had a pump (yes, I know, I know - I ride with one now). We asked a couple of folks and no luck so I finally threw in the towel and Larry just rode the shortcut to the car to came back to pick me up. All of this to basically say that when I got home, I showered and then weighed myself - 255lbs! I thought the scale was broken, I quickly found another and then went immediately to the gym for theirs. I was shocked to see that all the scales were within 5lbs of each other. It was official, I had turned into Jabba-the-Mexican-Hut. I spoke to Stephanie and we decided to start looking at a change to our diet. Over the next month I lost about 10lbs and was starting to ride more, eat less and generally, feel better. 


Then it happened, one Sunday in February I was shaving in anticipation of work on Monday when I felt the lump on the side of my neck. I was feeling great at the time so the lump was not a big concern - or so I thought. I truly believe that the loss of weight contributed to me being able to feel the lump. As I progressed though my journey with cancer, it included a continual, gradual, loss of weight. On June 15th I weighed in at 223.3lbs. This morning it was at 212.5lbs. I was informed by my oncologists that any "substantial" loss in weight would result in the placement of a Gastric Feeding Tube. The last two weeks have been especially challenging in that there has been an increase in activities occurring in my mouth. So much so that trying to swallow, much less consume calories is tough. I have been prescribed a number of different gels, swishes and other oral remedies that depending on the day, the weather, the number of hours I have slept and the position of the moon, they work - sometimes. 


I can tell you this, the last two weeks have been the most challenging of my life. I have never been up against anything like this and do not wish it upon anyone. With that being said, I look to the fact that there are two weeks left, I look to the fact that there are 15 radiation sessions left and I look to the fact that there are 2 chemotherapy sessions left. I look to the fact that I have all of you thinking of me. I look to the fact that my faith shall sustain me. I look to the fact that I also need to consume calories in order to limit the loss of weight. I take great pride every time I swallow something that counts toward my caloric and hydration requirements. Although I do not look forward to eating, I do look forward to being able to eat without pain. I look forward to a "normal" meal that doesn't come in a bottle.  I also gain inspiration and strength from my fellow radiation patients, most who are older than me and getting treatment for different types of cancer. Their side effects may be different, but their challenges are the same nonetheless.


For breakfast today, I was able to "swallow" the soft inside of a quiche (sausage and mushroom), drink a tall glass of whole milk and down a bottle of Boost Plus. I was able to gain about a pound from yesterday to today (211.6lbs to 212.5lbs), so I am encouraged. Yummm, yumm; now what can I drink for lunch?


PS: A big shout out for the folks who have driven me to radiation and chemo this past week and those that have signed up for the next two weeks. You will never know how much I appreciate the time you have given me....thank you.